does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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