Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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