I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
