FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
