I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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