She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
