Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're like the curious george of whores
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
