I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
