i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
