If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
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My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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