Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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