you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
