I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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