Buhtt sex?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
