I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
