Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
