In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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