Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
