I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
