Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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