Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
