I skipped work to stalk him.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
