I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
