my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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