I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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