i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
