She said her name was "party"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
