are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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