hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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