I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
