Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
