Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize