So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
