I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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