You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
