I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
tonight lets celebrate not being married
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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