I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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