Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
