i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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