i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
