hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
