How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
