She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
