Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
