I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
