i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.