It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban