I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.