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You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Where is the hickey?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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