did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
