We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
