meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
