I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They took my balls.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
