I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
