She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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