My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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