i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
operation harelip BJ is a go
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
