my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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