i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
