Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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