if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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